Learn how to deal with too many belongings that pose a hazard for older individuals.
Welcome to knowledge for caregivers. My name is Kathy, the host of this podcast. I have been a geriatric nurse for the past 10 years, I am going to share with you the knowledge that I have learned helping seniors age in place. This is the same knowledge that I use to take care of my own age loved ones. I hope you can use this knowledge to help your own age loved ones aged with dignity, and grace.
Welcome back. Today I want to talk about how all of us probably have too much stuff, and especially our older people. I remember when my mom passed away about eight years ago, she had taken all her jewelry out various Christmases before she passed away. She showed us all our jewelry, and we went around the room and this person said, Well, I want that piece. And the next person got to pick a piece and it just kept going around the room. Until we had all settled on all her different jewelry pieces. It seems a little morbid, but after mom died, that's what dad did. He gathered us all around her table, put all her pieces on there, we got out the list. And we all divvied up her jewelry, that was easy for me to do. Because I was flying by airplane so I could take it home with me.
At that time, my dad had decided that he would keep all my mom's other stuff he was going to decorate the house about every three or four months, depending on the season like my mom did, he had actually gone and taken pictures, so that he knew exactly how she did it. I don't think he even did it one time, he remodeled the house where he had a man cave, and he closed off a certain bathroom. And he set the house up the way that he had always wanted it to be. He also changed the garden because she wanted this big fancy garden, but she couldn't take care of it. That's off topic. But what I want to talk about is why do our older people have too much stuff, some of the problems that it causes and some of the ways to deal with it.
Number one, we in America especially we just have too much stuff in general. And an older person just has more stuff because they've lived longer. One of the things that we did when we were in the military, every time we moved, you know, we had to clean out, downsize, get rid of stuff, sometimes we moved into a smaller home, sometimes we moved into a bigger home. This is the longest I've ever lived in one house, which is 12 years, we're starting to accumulate stuff. My husband especially likes to read books, and then he never wants to get rid of them because he read the book. And there was something really interesting he had in that book and he wants to keep the book. And I keep saying can you not go to electronic books, so we don't have to have so many books. And he doesn't want to do that. But I have the same problem. I'm like, Well, I might still need that book. We have this fear that we're going to get rid of something. And then we're going to at some point need it back. Well, that happens to all of us. I've gotten rid of stuff. And then I'm like, Oh, I should have brought it back. Then an interesting thing happened.
As my dad began to take all of my mom's things that were important to her and put them out on the table and all of the grandkids, the N laws, the kids, everyone could just look through there and pick out whatever they wanted. And that was fine. Everybody wanted a little something from mom to take home, even the grandchildren who at that time were living in very tiny apartments. After we had done that. He said, Oh, okay, everything else I'm going to dedicate to every habitat house that I helped build, I'm going to give it to that family. And I have to tell you, everyone else goes, Oh, that's so sweet of your dad and I wanted to go. But that was a piece of my mom has been given away. He really wasn't. It was a piece of a memory. And I was afraid just like many older people, if that went away, I would begin to lose some memories of my mother. That was harder than I thought. And it was much more emotional. I actually just had to walk out of there and go, this is not my stuff. This is not my stuff. This is not my mom's stuff. My mom is gone, and it doesn't matter that somebody else is going to get to enjoy it.
I had a friend who lost her mom, her dad remarried. Then when he passed away, the step mom didn't let him come in and get some of her mother stuff. I could imagine how hard that was because I was able to get some stuff from my mom. I just put it in storage until somebody came around helped me show how to display some of the beautiful things that my mom had because my parents had traveled all over especially Asia, and we had a lot of unique things that I wanted to keep from my mom. And sometimes people have so much stuff. It just gets overwhelming. You know, they don't even know where to start, like where do I begin to get rid of some of my stuff and then they feel like like I With my mother, if I give something away, I'm discarding a memory.
So we need to help our older loved ones with all their stuff. And there's a reason that we do need to help them with all their stuff. Number one, too much stuff. And clutter can lead to falls. And there is a difference between stuff and hoarding. But sometimes they can become a little intertwined. I remember arriving at a lady's house, and I almost tripped over all these stacks of magazines. And I wanted to move the magazine so that I wouldn't fall when I got back up. And I also knew that she would be vulnerable to falling. And she says, Do not touch that. I was like, I just want to get out Nope, don't touch it at all. She definitely had a little more of a hoarding problem than just having stuff. But it like I said, can really lead to falls, I once went to a home where these people had sold antique furniture for a living antique furniture is not nearly as popular. Now, as the younger generation is not thinking about getting so much stuff as much as they are having experiences, you literally could hardly push a wheelchair around or get around without bumping into something in bruising yourself. Because of this great beautiful antique furniture that they had, I really had to talk to the kids about kind of moving some stuff around so that we could actually take care of their parents.
Another reason to get rid of stuff, especially too much medication. This is the generation that never threw anything away. So I've gone into homes where I've seen bags and bags and bags of medication. That is very dangerous. Number one, we don't know if it's expired. expired medicine won't necessarily hurt you. But it may not have all the ingredients that you need as it degrades. I've also seen people then make mistakes and take the wrong medicine because they didn't get rid of an old medicine. And then again, as I said before, it limits our ability, there are many benefits of getting rid of stuff, you can have improved concentration, because you're not sitting around going, Oh, I just feel like everything's closing down on me. They find that people who have less stuff get better sleep, there's a reduction in stressed. And people have a more positive attitude about stuff. But if you can't get your parents to get rid of stuff, don't sweat it. But if you can work with it. And now that I see so many kids dealing with all their parents stuff, I'm actually really glad that my dad has been really willing to get rid of stuff, he's gotten rid of pretty much everything, or some of the grandkids right now don't have room for some of the furniture, but they have their name on it. So as soon as they get a house or a bigger place, they're going to take some of the bedroom furniture and everything because my dad, he needs a recliner chair, he needs his television, his computer, his desk, and a bed to sleep in probably a little table, but I have a feeling he sits in front of the chair and eats in front of the TV. Therefore whenever it becomes time for my dad to move, or if he passes away before that time, it's going to be a lot easier for us to not have to go through so much stuff.
Why do people keep stuff? Sometimes there's sentimental reasons, you know, this may be a favorite shirt that has a memory. So what can we do with that we can take that and say, hey, let's make a quilt from some of your favorite shirts or children's clothes or something like that. Sometimes it's like loyalty. My granddaughter gave me that and I think I should hold on to it. So maybe we can help them find one thing that was given to them. Make a shadowbox or do something other various gifts that have come from people without having to save everything they may want to conserve. And this is a real time that we can go to our older loved ones and say, Look, we're not just getting rid of stuff. This is something that maybe other people can use. And we're helping people be able to use this stuff that you have accumulated.
So it's a time to really help people, people can get really tired from mail. So that's something that we can definitely help to get rid of. We can help to try to get rid of junk mail by writing these places not to send the junk mail anymore. We can help them maybe go to some online bill pay, or some of those things or help clear out some of their papers. I remember going to my mother in law's house, and she had boxes and boxes and boxes. I think we filled two large garbage cans at the shredder of old bank statements. She didn't know what she needed to keep, and she was afraid to get rid of anything. They'd had a business 25 years ago, and she wanted a few memories. So we kept a couple of stamps from that business but we got rid of all the paperwork and that really cleared out her garage. Many people keep stuff because they keep thinking, Oh I know eventually I'll fit into those clothes. Or someday I might need that broken Walker again.
Some people keep stuff because they love to shop and they just keep building up stuff. So that's the time to really try to discourage them from buying things or other people from just buying them things. If you want to buy your loved one stuff, I've gotten more and more like this buy something disposable, something they can eat some kind of lotion they can put on, instead of just buying stuff, or look specifically for something that they could benefit like house shoes, robes, slippers, those are something older people especially housebound people can always use. If you can help your loved one, downsize, then do that, if not help them to box up some stuff stored in the garage and maybe say, Okay, if we don't think about this, the next six months, maybe this is something we can give away. But we definitely need to work on decluttering even if it's nothing but going through their stuff and boxing it up for them, then that way, if they do move, or they do pass away, you already have some organization to their stuff. I don't have all the answers. I have too much stuff. But it's definitely something to always be working with and talking to our loved ones about.
If you have found this information helpful, feel free to share it with someone else. If you wish to contact me you can at info at Cathy's consulting.com that is I NF o at symbol KATHYSCONSUL t i n g.com. I welcome any comments. Remember, this podcast is meant for informational purposes only, and not to replace the advice of your medical professionals.