Where and what to report of an older disabled person is being abused, neglected and exploited
Katherine Cocks 0:02
Hi, my name is Kathy. I've been a geriatric nurse for over 10 years. Many times when I would meet with family members of aged loved ones, they didn't always know what to do. I started this podcast knowledge for caregivers, to assist them with practical suggestions as they assist their own loved ones age with dignity and grace.
Katherine Cocks 0:34
I want to welcome you back to the podcast. This week, I met with a family member's daughter, there was a husband and wife. The daughters weren't actually there. When I did my assessment. The husband had some physical limitations, but I noticed that the wife had some memory problems. I called the daughter because I was a little concerned about who was taking care of who was the husband taking care of the wife because of her memory, or was the wife taking care of the husband, because of his physical decline? What they told me was, well, they sort of take care of each other. When two people sort of make one whole person, they can kind of function. Believe it or not, this is something that I see very, very often, especially with older people when the caregiver is their spouse, because many times the person who begins to experience physical or mental decline, also has an 80 year old spouse who has their own health problems. So therefore, both of them kind of come together and help each other out.
Katherine Cocks 1:48
I remember one time taking care of a lady, she had quite a bit of physical disabilities, her husband hired us so that he could take a little bit of a break. And we took care of her for like almost two years, and then the caregiver started calling me. And they were a little concerned that the husband was forgetting to take care of his wife, he was forgetting to take her to the bathroom, or he was forgetting to feed her. So when I came out, I noticed that the husband had begun to become very forgetful. When we signed them up, he didn't give me any other numbers of family members. I asked him if I could call his daughter because I was concerned. At this point, he became very defensive and angry and would not give me any other numbers. I had no other choice because the wife was not being cared for, to call Adult Protective Services. And say, I'm not sure that husband is really capable of fully taking care of his wife. So you may ask me, Well, what is Adult Protective Services. This is a government entity in the United States. They can be by counties or cities or states. And what it is, is it's a place that people can call and report if a adult is being abused, neglected, or exploited. This is similar to people calling child protective services if something like that is happening to a child. And these are instances where these abuse is happening to someone who has some type of disability, and they can't, you know, run and call the police or take care of themselves. These reports to adult protective services can be anonymous, but I usually identify myself so that people know that I'm a nurse. The reason they make it anonymous is they want people to report abuse, neglect or exploitation of disabled older adults. The person that comes out to do the investigation, people get scared, they're not there to immediately pull somebody out unless they see a situation that is very, very dangerous. I know that in the state of Oklahoma, it's required for certain health care professionals like nurses doctors to report anything that they suspect to Adult Protective Services, but anybody can report anything to Adult Protective Services, if they think an older person who is disabled is being abused, neglected or exploited. And let me define a little bit about what I mean by abuse. Abuse is usually physical, they're hurting somebody physically. It can be emotional, that's harder to see. Neglect means, somebody's not being taken care of. They're not being fed or they're not being cleaned. Something of that nature. And sometimes it can be self neglect, a person just may not be able to take care of themselves. And then exploitation usually has to deal with material possessions. They're taking things from them, they're taking their money. One of the things when somebody from Adult Protective Services came to talk to us is they said, our job is if something looks suspicious to report, it is not really our job to investigate. And I know sometimes you're like, do I report this? Do I not report this. And trust me, there's times you're dealing with a lot of gray areas. If you call Adult Protective Services, make sure you have your information. And make sure that you can sometimes have to be a little persistent. For instance, I once had a lady who her dementia had gotten really bad. But she had no family member to take over decision making for her. I called Adult Protective Services, because we were providing care in the home. But we were almost having to make decisions about the hours of her care, and that type of stuff. And I wasn't comfortable doing that we're a business. I called Adult Protective Services. And they said, well, she's being taken care of why are you making a report and I said, She's vulnerable to being exploited, I do not have access to her checking account. I don't know who is managing it. And I think it is important for you guys to make sure that she is not taken advantage of, because I have no next of kin listed. So I had to be a little persistent with them, to get them to come in and do an investigation. On the flip side, I recently had a situation where somebody took little bits of information, they didn't have the whole picture, they got very angry, they thought their friend was not being taken care of in a spouse husband relationship. And they told them they said, We're calling Adult Protective Services on you, we don't think you're taking good care of your spouse, and then stormed out of the house. This is very frustrating. And it can be really scary. And we know if somebody reports it that somebody is going to come to their house to investigate the allegations. It is so hard when you get reported, I've seen so many family members, they just feel violated because they're doing the very best that they can. As I said, many of these are older people taking care of a spouse, they are doing a good job, it may not be perfect, but no one's going to get perfect care anywhere. And so I wanted to tell you, if Adult Protective Services shows up, I know it's easy to say this, but try not to get emotional and mad, the person just has a job. So if you get reported for Adult Protective Services, the best thing is just be honest, ask their opinion, if you think hey, I am having trouble with this thing. But I really want to provide the best care for my loved one. They may have resources or things that they can offer you. Unfortunately, I have also seen this happen. One family member gets mad and they say I'm going to report you to Adult Protective Services. And it's done in a vindictive way. Unfortunately, in order to predict vulnerable adults,
Katherine Cocks 8:24
they have to investigate every allegation. Even those that appear to be vindictive, and just a way to get back at people. It's sad that it has come to that. And when people make these allegations in a vindictive manner, it's hard to prove it can be done in an anonymous way. And so it kind of puts everybody through the wringer. So first of all, don't make reports to Adult Protective Services, just to be vindictive, or because you did not get your way. Again, reports need to be made. If you suspect abuse, neglect, or exploitation. It doesn't need to be made. If you think the person should be having spaghetti more often, instead of steak. You know, those are differences of opinions. And I know that something kind of silly, like who would do that. But I have seen family members get into arguments, go to court based on what the loved one should be eating and spend literally probably 10s of 1000s of dollars on lawyers and court fees. So I am sure there are people that will report each other to Adult Protective Services. If you get in one of those conflicts, go back to my episode about dealing with conflict with your family members and approach it from a different way. Again, Adult Protective Services the goal in the United States dates is to have a mechanism for people to report, abuse, neglect, or exploitation. And the goal is for there to be an investigation and to determine, maybe there's some neglect because the family members need some community resources, or they don't have enough money for food. So Adult Protective Services is not just trying to take someone out of the family or punish someone, they may go, okay, you don't have enough food, let's figure out some community resources to make sure you have enough food. Or maybe they're having trouble maintaining their home, and they can look for community resources to help them maintain their home, or maybe they can't get out anymore to go to the doctor, or they can't afford their medications. So some of it is just lack of resources. And so these people will come in and help with that. The last resort is if they determine that there's abuse, neglect, or exploitation, and the situation doesn't change, they may have to come in to protect that older person. But most of the people who listen to this podcast and most of the people who pay for services are people who want to provide love and care to their loved ones. And just understand sometimes, different agencies are different medical professions may send in an investigator, and it's best just to work with them. And try not to take it personally, which I know is really hard because people have reported me for different things and most of the time it was because they were being vindictive, and that always is really hard. Thank you for listening. I have a passion to help family members navigate this aging process successfully, when it can be stressful. I hope you have enjoyed this podcast. If you have found it helpful, then share it. If you wish to contact me for consulting services, you can reach me at www.kathysconsulting.com and Kathy's is spelled Kathy s. Remember, all content is meant for informational purposes only, and not to replace the advice of healthcare professionals.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai